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ldybgchick
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Name: Jessica
Birthday: 10/13/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Friends (( The People In the Background Are the Greatest People On This Earth! I couldn't make it without them! )). Family. Music. Food. Movies. Phones. Internet. Writing. Basketball. Church (( In Christ Alone, I am nothing without Him )). Hanging out. Gilmore Girls. Barn Dances. The carwash. Movie Theaters. Malls. Mountain Dew. Pink and Black together. Driving alone (loud music). Late Night Phone Calls. Sleep. Ice Cream. Jeeps. The Palms. Making New Friends. Swimming. Parks. Fountains. Restuarants.
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/5/2004
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| So, we've hit a new year, 2008.
How quickly that seemed to happen.
As I look back over 2007, sometimes I think it was the year that I grew up. Maybe some of that had to do with turning 20, I mean how crazy right. I'm no longer a teenager, which scares me in some ways and in others excites me. The next ten years could decide my life. I also thought Alia had alot to do with my growing up. Learning to let go of something that I held on to for far too long. And this time, I really let go. Isaiah has been another part of my learning experience this year. He's taught me a love unlike any that I've ever felt before. I care for him more than anyone could imagine. As I mentioned before, I also started attending a new church, which in ways has contributed to my growing up. However, I think the hardest moments of 2007 were the real factors in my changes. Back in March, the scariest night of my life when granny ended up in the hospital after a very strange, scary, and indescribable moment. Another horrible night was the night mom told me Jennifer's dad had passed away. I couldn't stop crying. I felt so different than ever before. I can't even really describe that moment. Not being able to describe what these things made me feel, may mean that I really haven't grown up much at all.
In fact, there are other times when I just sit and look out at the sky and think I haven't grown up, I just think I have. And to be honest, that's when I realized that I really don't know anything. All I know is that I'm ready and willing to do what God has for my life. I want to follow where He leads, because I'm clueless.
Best wishes in 2008.
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| Finally back on my spiritual journey through life. The times in my life when I am most happy are when I realize how much God has given me and what all He has done for me. I have been going to a new church, and I love it! I have fallen in love with learning about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ all over again. I feel so full. There's no one I'd rather be than just me. I can't wait to be so complete that I'm ready to share this love with the world. Don't get me wrong, there are moments when any strong christian feels alone, and I'm not even that strong yet. I'm longing for friends, new friends, friends that will pull me up to my highest point, to the point where I can touch heaven, where God and I are so close. I want those friends that continue to hold my hand as we journey down this path together. Who encourage me when I am down, and who remind me every single chance they get that my GOD is amazing. Isaiah is the love of my life right now. I can't get enough of him. I love it when he is in my arms. The most amazing little boy in the world. He needs your prayers. He is still in his foster home but may be going home soon, and that would mean I wouldn't get to see him anymore. I love him and I want the absolute best for him in this life. I just keep reminding myself that God is so big and He preforms MIRACLES every day. That's my update for now. :) | | |
| It seems as though I only come to my xanga when I am sad. Possibly not letting anyone read this truely understand the real me, because I am a happy person, I promise. Tonight is Alia's birthday party, her mom does a surprise party for her every year, personally I think it's getting kind of rediculous, but possibly I only think that because I'm not there. I haven't seen or spoken to Alia in a month and two days. I don't really know why, I'm not mad at her, and I certainly don't hate her, but I guess we just drifted apart in the end. I'm ok with it, I don't really miss her too often, but occassionally it would be nice to hear her voice I guess. I was invited to the party but decided not to go. I don't think I really want to see her right now. She kind of let go of her end of the rope this summer, and after she did, it just seemed easier to let go of mine. I guess a part of me wants to be at the party and is just convincing the rest of me that I really didn't. I don't know. On the bright side, I have been going to a new church. I love it! It's where my boy, Isaiah goes too. I love him! I look forward to Sunday's every week. =) He's such a bright spot in my dark world. I wish he was mine. Ok, short update, but I am going to try to make something of this friday night. | | |
| I'm trying not to give up, to be strong but
I'm afraid to say I'm scared
I can't find the place your heart is hiding
And I'm not quiter but I'm tired of fighting I love you, don't want to lose you
Don't make me let you go
Took such a long time for me to find you
Don't make me let you go
Baby, I'm begging please
And I'm out here on my knees
I don't want to have to set you free
Don't make me All I can think about right now is screaming. Why is my timing always off? How come everytime I figure something out in my life, it's gone? Maybe because I analyze things way too much, dig way too deep, think too hard. I'm so scared of messing up and missing out that it's exactly what ends up happening. I want so badly to hold on, to figure it out, to make it better, but I'm tired of fighting. I can't anymore. And at the same time, I've never been that great at letting go. | |
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| Why is love such a powerful thing? I don't understand. Maybe I shouldn't even use the word 'love' when I'm not completely sure what it means. To me, love is the strongest thing there is. It's just so confusing to be able to tell when it's love, and when it's not. I feel like everything I 'love' is slipping through my fingers, so I'm wondering how it could be love. I don't believe love dies. I really don't. I think if the feeling goes away, then it was never truely love. My feeling isn't completely gone, it just doesn't feel as strong, there are things coming between it, so is it love? I'm not just talking about that certain someone. It's the whole sense of the word. It just seems like when I think I really love someone, some power becomes strong enough to pull me away. And when I think I don't really love someone, sometimes I just can't get them off my mind. Even when I want too. Even when they hurt me. It's unconditional, I guess. | |
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